Knowing the Editor

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More often than usual, I have been struggling with my life as a writer.  Time after time I have been reading and re reading posts from other writers and being amazed by their suttle way of letting everything flow from their mind to that computer screen or that piece of paper.  Reading and re reading these posts are only allowing me to give into my anxiety and complex of being a writer even more.  I have the usual bouts of doubt coming in and out of view everytime I plan out a day to sit and write.  I make excuses, I make criticisms, and I waste time.  More often than not do I find myself bowing down to my fear of writing.  The fear questions that usually strike a nerve with me are, "What if no one is interested?"  "What if it isn't good?"  "What if it isn't enjoyed the way I hope it to be?"  All questions and fears I'm sure every writer has but doesn't give in to.  I don't want to give in any more.  I have always used the term writer lightly when describing the fact that I write and enjoy writing.   I want to declare myself as a writer, as Hemmingway said, and be a damn good writer. 

Thankfully, I have great writers and motivators who have my back.  Natalie Goldberg being one in particular.  Her book on Freeing the Writer Within has given me an abundance of inspiration to continue my writing and not get dejected over the occassional bouts of dispair and boredom I find in my own writing.  This chapter especially has helped me to accept the fact that I am not the only writer in the world who has problems, fears, and doubt and I shouldn't focus only on those discrepancies.  I need to face my fears in my writing and decide to push past them.

 
Trouble with the Editor is all about ignoring your inner editor, the one who brings your criticisms to focus.  Those last few sentences always comfort me and allow me to picture my fear of being a terrible writer to float away to a far away land where some older woman is hanging her laundry out to dry on lines.  Shutting the door between her and those lines of laundry.  

Do you struggle with your inner editor?  What are your main struggles?

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