Reevaluating My Fruit

Lately, I have given a lot of thought on what factors are controlling my life.  I've noticed my intense drowsiness, my lack of motivation, my everyday feeling of just going through the motions and I understand that this isn't what Christ wants for me or any christian.  I asked myself if the Holy spirit was guiding my life and decisions or if I was the one doing the guiding.  My answer?  I was guiding. I wasn't satisfied with this answer because I'm striving to live my life for Christ and not for myself.  My goal?  To reevaluate what I was dedicating my time and energy to.  I started by reading Paul's letter to the church in Galatia when he discussed whether the Galatians were living of the flesh, which they were, or living by the spirit, which they and every christian needs to be.

I started my journey by listing out the fruits of following the spirit and how they applied to me or how I could better obtain them in my life on a daily basis.

First was Love. What should I love in life? What do I love in life?  I do love God and I am working on loving everyone else.  Period.  Love shouldn't apply to any inanimate objects, anything man made.

Second, joy.  What gives me joy in life and what should?  My quiet time with the lord, learning and growing closer to Him, my family and hobbies. What shouldn't determine my joy?  How perfect my life is, how much money I have, how many Facebook likes I got on my last post, UNLESS it brings glory to God.

Third, peace.  How can I obtain the peace I desire?  Through Christ.  I can pray that Christ will pour his never ending peace over me especially during times I will face obstacles.  Is there anything in my life that I don't have peace about?  Family arguments, finances, my job.

Fourth, patience.  Am I lacking patience in any areas of my life?  Of course, on a day by day minute by minute basis.  I lose my temper with my husband, my daughter, my family, my friends and even God.  I get aggravated when things don't go my way or don't get done when I ask them to and even when I don't get timely answers.  Patience I need to pray for and strive for.

Fifth, kindness.  I am ultimately a pretty kind person in my eyes, obviously to those I love.  The ones that I have conflicts with I'm not the kindest.  I struggle with looking past the hurt feelings they've caused and the attitudes they currently have, but how many times have I denied God?  How many times have I not listened and turned away?  And how many times has God shown me kindness?  Every time.

Sixth, goodness.  What's the good in my life?  God, my family, friends, bible study.  This goodness is what I need to focus on in life.  When I focus on these things my life is good.  So good.  It is unreal the overwhelming amount of goodness I feel when I let these things lead my life instead of how much money I have/don't have, how clean my home is/isn't, how good of a hair day I have/don't have.. Trust me, that last one definitely plays a factor sometimes!

Seven, faithfulness.  What a struggle!  It was for the Galatians thousands of years ago and still is for me today.  I am fickle and weak.  But Christ can sustain me and help strengthen my faith if I only let him and give my life fully and faithfully to Him.

Eight, gentleness.  Am I gentle enough when it comes to those I love or struggle to love?  No.  This I need to work on.

Lastly, self control.  This fruit I feel as if I struggle with the most.  I constantly feel lacking and when I feel lacking and empty I try to fill it on my own.  Not with God's love but with fleshly wants and desires on earth.  Examples being spending money on clothes, shoes, etc, the unneeded.  Alcohol, medication, sleep, giving in to depression, all instead of getting on my knees and praying to my creator who knit me together even before I was in the womb.  The creator who knows my every want, my every empty place, my every desire.  He could sustain me, and you, if we only let Him.  What do you say we let Him?  Let's start today, tonight, right now.

Pray this prayer with me,  Dear God, please hear my prayer.  I give my life to you, Lord. All of it, I don't want it.  Lead me through the rest of my days with the guidance from your Holy Spirit and let me reap all the fruits of the Spirit, God.  I believe that you are the only one who can sustain my life until I begin my everlasting life with you.  In Jesus' name, Amen.